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It was painful...

Your demise was painful for me. 

That phone call broke my heart into bits.

It was a Wednesday, I was at work, my phone rang and I looked down to see the caller ID say "Tenpenny".

I dreaded the worst, but anxiety had me pick the call at the first ring.

He simply said "Bro, your papa don go..." 

Like words etched on marble, those were words I doubt I'd ever forget.

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My world had changed in an instant.

My mentor, my guide, my safety net, my teacher, my father... was no more.

I felt shock, I felt confusion, I felt fear, I felt lost,

But even at that time, I had to hold it together.

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You are the first they'll say.

You have to be strong for your mother they'll say.

You have to be strong for everyone, they said.

But how was I to be strong?

What was I to do?

Where was I to start?

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All I knew was that I had to hold it in.

I tried, I really did...

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I came home to prepare for your funeral,

And on the day of the day of your first outing I had to polish your shoes.

And on that day I cried!

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I was polishing my dad's shoes for the last time.

The man who taught how to make a cup of coffee,

how to ride a bike,

how to use a sphygmomanometer,

how to read, and how to write,

how to polish my shoes.

You taught me everything. You gave me everything.

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It is painful you left before we could give you even as half as much.

But you would always "not how long, but how well".

You lived well, amazingly well.

In that we shall find solace.

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You taught us a lot.

Even now, I still hear your words ring in my ears.

And if ever I am in doubt, scared, anxious, or confused...

I'll polish my shoes and wait for your advice,

Because I know you'll always be here with us.

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Bye Dad, bye for now.

I love you.

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- Somtee